it’s the point you happen to fall deep into every couple of months. where all you want is to feel different, feel important, believe in yourself. but you just can’t. no matter what. you feel picked on, you feel not good enough. I want to be anything and everything that I am not. i want to feel loved. i want summer & warmth. i’ve relistened to his voice over and over tonight and i have to remind myself.. i’m only human, that’s it almost time for bed.. and..
“i’m burning my regrets dont wanna leave a trace. and from my rearview i got a clear view of who i used to be. a little bit faster now. dont wanna turn around. i’m gonna pack my bags and never look back run a parallel line with the railroad tracks and make my getaway. i put the petal to the metal as the sun goes down leave everybody sleepin in this sleepy town tonight. and at the break of day. i’ll be your runaway. i’ll be your runaway..
it’s crazy i know to count on this road to give me what i need. but with every state line somehow i find another part of me. ooo yea. ..i’ll be your runaway.”
if i could have any job.
obvious answer alert.
i’d be famous, a singer, a model, a actress.
duh.
i wanna sing songs that really affect people, those songs get me through my life. i love when a song comes on and it puts my feelings into words so perfectly. I wanna feel beautiful all the time, and know that i can make any outfit look stunning. i wanna play someone else for a while, be able to portray someone or a feeling. I would watch myself and remember how it felt to really step into someone else’s shoes.
suddenly i hear loud muffled music bass bumping through my window, i look outside to see a orange element suddenly turn on. ten minutes later a fresh faced open eyed girl is running out hopping in and driving off fast. three hours later i see her car has reappeared in front of her house. Thirty minutes later she has run back out, usually wearing something different than before and speeding off once again. This time she has her backpack and it seems she is off to school. After four hours she has come home once again. sometimes alone, other times with her best friend, who i see walk in her house at the most random times. sometimes middle of the day, or middle of the night. i hear dogs barking whenever someone enters her house. once again she has left, in a different outfit. almost like a fashion show. she leaves for four to five hours, and finally the night has come and she stays home for the night. same scene day after day of the week. then the weekend comes.. she comes and goes. bags packed, high heels, different hair dos, short shorts in the middle of winter, giant hoodies and sweats, leggings, jeans, different people coming and going. different cars always surrounding her house, taking over the street. a house of four and each person has two cars. i have seen a lot of drama happen from my front room window. fights with a boy, long dramatic kisses, hellos and goodbyes. entering or leaving quietly and sneakily in the middle of the night. slamming doors, and yelling.
that’s what my neighbor would say if they had to explain what they see from their house.
touching the ocean for the first time this year. i am beyond excited. it’s about damn time.
“forgive me i’m trying to find my calling, i’m calling at night. i dont mean to be a bother but have you seen this girl? she’s been running through my dreams and its driving me crazy it seems. i’m gonna ask her to marry me. and even though she doesn’t believe in love, he’s determined to call her bluff. who could deny these butterflies that are filling his gut? neighbor said she moved away funny how it rained all day. i didn’t think much of it then.. but it’s starting to all make sense. o. i can see now. that all of these clouds are following me in my desperate endeavour to find my whoever, wherever she may be. well i guess i’ll go home now.”
i feel so complimented when people tell me i look, or remind them of Audrina Patridge. for some reason i absolutely adore her. but maybe part of that is him..
they remind me of a couple i once knew.
he has so much love for her whether he will admit it or not, and i love that no matter what he stands up for her. i’m rooting for them. he has amazing style, and knows he can pull of whatever he wants because he is that dang good looking. so much love for each other, no matter what paths they take they always find their way back to each other.
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